is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
