Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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