my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
