even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you will always have a special place in my vag
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
