I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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