i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
