Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You need a sexual gate keeper
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
