shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
