She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
