That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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