Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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