just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
