Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
