I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
