grandma shit on top of the toilet
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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