How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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