I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
