I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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