sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize