The beer is more important than you right now.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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