It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
