Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
