garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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