I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
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