I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
