Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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