Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
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