She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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