Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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