I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
