would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
