We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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