I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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