Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
