Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
