just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
