forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
