i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There's always time for handjobs
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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