youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
