we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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