I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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