I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
