I'm lost and stupid without you.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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