i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
