if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize