I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just invented taco cereal.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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