You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
