Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
