He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
