dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
