I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
honey bunches of taint.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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