Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
FUCK WHALES
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
