right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
