we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
