What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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