i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
