I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
