My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
