i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize