Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
