Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
