I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
