Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
