my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
